Observations from table 6

All posts in the Observations from table 6 category

Which way to go?

Published November 23, 2012 by Kate

A few weeks back, my Mom came to stay with us for a week – I was having my gallbladder removed – believe me, I tried to ignore the fact that it needed to come out – for two years, but finally the thing refused to be ignored, a surgery date came up, and bippity bop – the deed was done…. I just needed to rest and relax for a few days, all is good now…

But.. .while I was resting, my dear Mom took care of the household things – like dishes, laundry and letting the dog out occasionally.. On one early morning, while taking care of said dog,  my Mom heard a husband and wife goose family talking on the lake… One deep baritone voice kept saying … “North, North” and a higher toned voice would say “South, South” This argument kept on for quite a while – I’m hoping the wife goose won the argument, as winter is coming…

Thanks for being there Mom!!

Bullying! Really? But we are adults!!

Published October 15, 2012 by Kate

Workplace Bullying is well defined in this link

Typology of bullying behaviours

With some variations, the following typology of workplace bullying behaviours has been adopted by a number of academic researchers. The typology uses five different categories.

  1. Threat to professional status – including belittling opinions, public professional humiliation, accusations regarding lack of effort, intimidating use of discipline or competence procedures
  2. Threat to personal standing – including undermining personal integrity, destructive innuendo and sarcasm, making inappropriate jokes about target, persistent teasing, name calling, insults, intimidation
  3. Isolation – including preventing access to opportunities, physical or social isolation, withholding necessary information, keeping the target out of the loop, ignoring or excluding
  4. Overwork – including undue pressure, impossible deadlines, unnecessary disruptions.
  5. Destabilisation – including failure to acknowledge good work, allocation of meaningless tasks, removal of responsibility, repeated reminders of blunders, setting target up to fail, shifting goal posts without telling the target.

I came to work early, stayed late, just to try to keep up with the mountains of work this person wanted done – it was never good enough – I was told that I wasn’t good enough, that I was unreliable, unable to keep up with the workload, my attitude wasn’t in line with everyone else, I was resistant to change.   But I know my work was good – I’m a clever cookie, I was kind to our clients, I got the tasks done, I was pleasant to my co-workers, said good morning and good night to everyone – even if they didn’t respond back (which was often – no one at the office wanted to be seen talking to me),  if I had a concern, I spoke to my manager – who I thought was supportive, but in truth – had no backbone and had no desire to help, didn’t acknowledge that the director was being a bully –  but now I realize that she too, like everyone else in that organization, was afraid of losing their job – if they spoke out about an issue, then they would become the focus of this bully and at this point, all the focus was on me – and they (the management) liked that.  I went to work every day for a year with that sick feeling, the feeling that today will be a good day –  nope – I left work every day in tears, feeling like a failure and worse – feeling like maybe this bully was correct.  (I was actively looking for new employment during this time – just to let you know)

Where were these people who cared, when going through this horrible experience.   Oh yes, there is the supportive husband, the caring friends – but its the ones living it with you, your co-workers, witnessing the bad behavior, the ones that say – oh what a shame – and yet can do nothing about it – something as simple as saying – In this organization, believe in our Statement of Values and Principles

  • RESPECT
    We value and have consideration for ourselves and others, believing in the inherent worth of each individual. We regard each other as having equal value, worth and dignity.

    EMPATHY
    We have the capacity to participate in another’s feelings or ideas and are willing to do so. We care for each other and for each other’s needs.

    INTEGRITY
    We value honest, sound, genuine relationships and act accordingly. We accept responsibility for our obligations and are answerable for how we meet them.

    COLLABORATION
    We are committed to a process where all ideas and input are heard and considered and where decisions are made by consensus whenever possible.

    CONFIDENTIALITY
    We will act in a professional manner with information that is shared.

    CLIENT CENTREDNESS
    The intent of all that we do is for the good of the client.

    QUALITY IMPROVEMENT
    We continuously strive to improve the service we provide to each other, our clients and our community.

Did anyone besides me, point out this to the bully?   Nope…    I believe that Statement of Values and Principles means nothing to the bully!

I spoke out,  talked about how unhappy I was with everything going on – tried to discuss workload, low morale of staff – instead – I got fired – without case – that’s what the letter said – without cause…
Now there are those that would argue that an employer is entitled to let staff go, if they  want..  Sure…  that’s true… but to fire someone in a way that is totally humiliating to the employee, done in such away that confirms the bullying behaviour of the employer – that is the part that harms, leaving a scar….   My personal items were  inspected before I left, my purse rummaged through, I was escorted out to my vehicle as if I was a criminal! –  All those so-called caring managers and coworkers, did they call me, did they reach out to me to let me know they cared – No…  the few that did call me, are the ones that I always had considered friends.. the others…were too concerned about their own jobs to reach out.

If I didn’t have the support of a loving husband, family and true friends, this situation may have ended differently.

So why do I let the bullying behaviour continue?  The other day, over a year later, I actually hid from the person who fired me, I hid!!!   I was so angry, am still angry with myself…    this person has no power over me anymore – NONE!

I still have nightmares – PTSD of sorts..

From now on, I will stand up for my right to be where I want to be, no one is going to chase me away!

Friday’s Five – Things I say!

Published September 28, 2012 by Kate

 A challenge from my dearest friend H. – she asked me to come up with a list for Friday’s Five and I’ve partially failed  – this is what I’ve come up with…..

 It’s not rocket science!  This is context to me explaining anything to anyone!   See how easy this is, it’s not rocket science!   Somewhere in my little brain, I must think rocket science is the hardest thing ever!

 If you always do, what you’ve always done, you always get – what you always got!  – I think of this whenever I have to do something out of my comfort zone, or if I’m unhappy with a situation – instead of doing the same old thing, try something new, deal with the situation differently!  Works every time – even with Angry Birds.

 I’m not addicted!  (Okay, maybe I used to be a little addicted to Farmville and now just a little addicted to Angry Birds – but I could stop at any time)

 Honey!  As in Honey, could you carry the heavy box for me?  Honey, would you let the dog out? Honey, I love you!  Or when talking about my sweet husband – The honey and I are going camping this weekend!

 That’s only four!

 I think a lot of the things I say, aren’t said out loud, I only hear them in my head….  Things said in my head are usually directed at me, and are unkind and not worth repeating out loud.     

 And a lot of the things I say over and over again are directed at the pets – ‘get off the couch’ ‘get off the counter’  ‘come here’ ‘go away’ ‘sit’ ‘stay’ ‘good dog’ ‘bad dog’

 The one thing I do say is ‘I love you’  and you know it’s true! 

(you know who you are!!)

No Observations today!

Published February 11, 2012 by Kate

I just got to share with you – some days happiness involves a bit of high-speed.  Crazy.. when I lived near the big city, I took access to the world wide interweb for granted..  now, to get high-speed, we need to sit in the local coffee shop with our laptops using band width as fast as we drink the coffee.

No Observations of others today.. just me…  here at table 6.

Buttons

Published December 24, 2011 by Kate

Hey.. how difficult would it be to find average sized black buttons for a man’s coat?  Well, let me tell you, in our small town – very difficult.. our little town didn’t carry any, even in the only fabric store in town…   So.. flash forward to our bi-annual Chtristmas trip to visit relatives near the great metropolis by the coast..    Christmas eve day, when all the other insane people are running around doing their last minute Christmas gift shopping, my Mom, my Honey and I are driving around the city looking for appropriate buttons for this said coat..

Me:  Lets go to the Co op, its close, less traffic to deal with.

Mom:  No, they wouldn’t have buttons, they don’t have a fabric section any longer..

Me:  Okay, lets go the the major fabric store at the other end of the city…

The traffic sucks….  and we find out as we are driving into the parking lot for the major fabric store – ITS CLOSED!!

Mom:  Lets try the large thrift store.

The traffic sucks….  and after wandering through the store for an hour, no buttons, no coats with appropriate buttons that we could buy .. nothing..  just hoards of Christmas shoppers looking for that great bargain for Uncle Bob.

Me:  Lets go back to your place, this is crazy.. we’ll live without buttons until after Christmas.

Driving through the traffic, traffic sucks, impatient drivers not sharing in the joyous sprit of Christmas.

Honey:  Hey, lets stop at the Co op for chips and dip – its Christmas after all!

Me:  Fine, lets stop!

Me:  Lets go look for buttons – just in case..

Mom: (very adamant about this)  no, they don’t carry buttons!

Me:   (found the button rack) Let’s buy these!

Mom: Oh!

Honey:  (holds up two bags of chips and two containers of dip) Ready?

Buttons, chips and dip purchased –  all is right with the world!

Monday, life of the underemployed

Published December 12, 2011 by Kate

Again, in the little cafe, sitting at a table, watching people wander by, proud of their choice of beverage.

Three women, talking seriously and quietly, serious in a way that only women in their 20’s can be,  with their new life experiences, certain that they are the only ones that are living a full life.

The same older distingished man is here, the one that knows everyone, flirts with all the women that walk through and dare to make eye contact with him.   He’s here, putting in time, waiting for someone, anyone.

and me, I’m here too, pretending to be busy on this laptop, sipping a delicious London Fog, I too am proud of my choice of beverage.

Observations from Table 6

Published December 6, 2011 by Kate

I’m at the local coffee shop, next door to my Honey’s work.   I’m just sitting quietly, drinking my london fog…  surfing the  net…  all of a  sudden my solitude broken by the sound of retired folks, chatting amongst  themselves, loudly, as if they didn’t have a care in the  world..  in  reality, most likely their hearing aids are failing and they are  shouting to be heard and to hear.

I’m going to have to move to a different table!